Ill have what she's having

A Panaji-based clothing store is bustling with activity. It's hard to miss children tagging along with their parents and pointing out to the best brands. A Panaji-based teenager, I-Phone in hand, is busy convincing her mother why she just "has to have those skinny jeans". "Everyone at school wears them. I don't want to be uncool," she says. After 15 minutes of persuasion, her mother finally gives in.While psychologists say this trend is not uncommon among youngsters, branded store owners have no qualms about admitting that kids form a larger part of their customer base.
Ramya Naik, the mother of an-eight-year-old, says she was deprived of many materialistic things in her childhood which gave her an inferiority complex. "Now, I make sure my only child is not deprived of anything and leads a good life," the Navelim-based homemaker says, adding,"As children grow older, they naturally become independent and face the outside world. As parents, it is our duty to provide them with what they want."
Savita Usgaonkar, the mother of a 12-year-old, is more cautious. "My child always demands new things, but I make sure that I give him only what is necessary, thus ensuring that I'm not spoiling him and leading him down the wrong path. I think parents should spend more time with their children instead of giving them tangible gifts which keep them contented only for a short while," says the Taleigao-based homemaker.
Psychologists agree that parents give in to their child's every demand because they are unable to spend enough time with them.
Brahmanand Cuncolienkar, a psychologist from Panaji, explains, "The main reason why children are spoilt is because parents don't pay attention to them. Parents remain busy and return home late. To make up for this, they agree to whatever demands the child makes. Parents don't have the courage to question their children fearing temper tantrums."
Siddha Poojary, a counsellor at Dempo Higher Secondary School of Arts and Science, elaborates further, "There are three reasons why a child may get spoilt. Firstly, if a child has overprotective parents, the child is not given the opportunity to be independent as all the demands are met with. Secondly, an over-permissive parent succumbs to the child's demands and orders. Lastly, parents do not spend much time with their child and thus the child feels rejected and neglected."
The times have definitely changed and responsibilities have increased two-fold, with both partners seeking jobs and battling pressure. Life has also gotten more expensive. "When a child is growing up, quality time is a necessity. Pampering a child just to cover up for not spending quality time is not right," says psychiatrist Charles Ajoy Estibiro.
Experts say another reason why children have become greedy consumers is because of peer pressure. "I believe that parents should buy children what they ask for, but within reason. If parents find that whatever is being asked for is not in the best interest of the child, then the child's demand should not be met," said Sanjana Kakodkar, a 14-year-old from Sharada Mandir School, Panaji.
"We don't pamper our kids so much that it will pose a problem for us in the future. We know what is right and at the same time we understand the needs of our children. So the question of spoiling our kids through pampering never arises even though work sometimes doesn't allow both of us to spend enough quality time," says Mapusa-based parent Jagjit Singh Bedi.
But Mapusa-based Aarti Mulgaonkar, a mother, feels that being "strict" is the only solution. "Whether working or not, there should be no guilt. Being strict, not pampering will always be fruitful down the lane," she says.
Estibeiro explains the need for a balance. "Not all of children's demands have to be fulfilled and parents should not always maintain a strict behavior. Care should be taken by parents to create a balance. And of course, they should try to take time off their busy schedule-a day spent with their children where no work is brought home," he says. Mapusa-based Catherine de Mello agrees, "Today's times demand that both parents work. But my husband and I make sure that we give ample time to our children."
Stating that in the long run, pampering only leads to problems, Mapusa-based parent Paul D'Souza says, "My wife and I have been working for a long time now. But we manage our time such that our children get our whole attention."
Cuncolienkar feels that this materialistic instinct in children can be reduced only if parents and children open up to each other. "Also, children should be moulded at an early age, preferably before the age of 12. Counseling facilities should be provided at schools to help children with their personal problems," he says.